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Father, mother and baby: Family on the beach
Date Posted: February 1, 2023
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The Importance of Talking to Your Children About Consent and Respect in Relationships

Discussing Consent and respect in relationships with children

Discussing Consent and respect in relationships with children. Photo: Pixabay

As parents, it’s our responsibility to equip our children with the knowledge and skills they need to navigate the world with confidence and respect. One of the most important lessons we can impart is the importance of consent and respect in relationships.

Consent is a fundamental principle in all forms of human interaction, but it’s particularly crucial in intimate relationships. It means that all parties involved have freely and enthusiastically agreed to engage in a particular activity. By teaching our children about consent, we are not only helping them build healthy relationships, but we’re also helping them understand the importance of respecting others and themselves.

The conversation about consent and respect in relationships should start early, and it should be ongoing. Here are some tips for talking to your children about these important topics:

Start the conversation early

Don’t wait until your child is a teenager to start talking about consent. The younger they are, the more they can internalize the concept and apply it in their relationships later in life.

Here’s an example of how you could start a conversation about consent and respect in relationships with children:

You: Hey kids, can we have a chat about something important? It’s about relationships and how we treat each other.

Kids: Sure! What is it about?

You: It’s about consent and respect. Have you heard those words before?

Kids: Yes, a little bit.

You: Great! So, consent means that everyone in a relationship has the right to say yes or no to physical touch or other activities. It’s important to always ask for and respect someone’s decision.

And respect means treating others the way we want to be treated, with kindness and understanding. In a relationship, this means listening to each other, being honest, and supporting each other.

It’s important to understand and practice these things now, so that you can have healthy relationships in the future. Do you have any questions or anything you’d like to add?

By having this conversation, you can lay the foundation for children to understand the importance of consent and respect in relationships, and empower them to make informed decisions in their own relationships in the future.

Use age-appropriate language

Make sure your language is appropriate for your child’s age and developmental stage. For younger children, you might use simple language and analogies to help them understand the concept of consent.

When speaking to kids about relationships, it’s important to use language that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding. Here’s an example of age-appropriate language when talking to kids about relationships:

For younger kids (ages 5-7): “A relationship is when two people love each other and want to spend time together. Just like how you love your family and friends, people can love each other in a special way too.”

For older kids (ages 8-12): “A relationship is a special connection between two people who care about each other. It’s important to treat each other with kindness and respect, and to be honest and open with each other.”

It’s also important to emphasize the importance of healthy relationships, where both people feel happy and respected, and to discuss ways to identify and address any problems that may arise in a relationship.

Emphasize respect

Teach your children that respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Emphasize that consent and respect go hand in hand, and that respecting others’ boundaries is essential.

Discuss what healthy relationships look like

Help your children understand what a healthy relationship looks like by sharing examples and having open and honest conversations. Talk about what it means to listen to others, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts in a respectful manner.

Use real-life scenarios

Use real-life scenarios to illustrate the importance of consent and respect in relationships. For example, you might talk about a time when someone didn’t respect your boundaries, or a time when you didn’t respect someone else’s.

Encourage open communication

Encourage your children to come to you with any questions or concerns they may have about relationships, sexuality, or any other topic. By fostering open communication, you can help them feel comfortable discussing these topics and seeking help when needed.

Lead by example

Children learn by example, so make sure you’re modeling healthy relationship behaviors in your own life. Demonstrate respect, active listening, and effective communication in your interactions with others.

By talking to your children about consent and respect in relationships, you’re helping to equip them with the tools they need to navigate the world with confidence and respect. Additionally, you’re helping to create a culture of consent, where all parties are treated with dignity and respect.

In conclusion, it’s never too early to start talking to your children about consent and respect in relationships. By starting the conversation early and using age-appropriate language, you can help them internalize these important concepts and build healthy relationships throughout their lives. Remember, the goal is to foster open and honest communication, emphasize respect, and lead by example. With your help and guidance, your children can grow into confident, respectful individuals who know how to navigate the world with grace and ease.

Date Posted: November 28, 2017
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Join Always at Keeping girls in school.

Her life was just perfect the other day. You know when she could play freely with whomever she wanted. Why is she all of a sudden being warned to keep off boys? Like playing with boys would suddenly give her a plague.

Ever since the bloody scare, her mother, her aunties, even her cousin had turned into some mystical griots, talking to her in parables. “You are now a woman, be careful with boys”, was the advise she got from all of them. Why does growing into a woman have to be this hard?

God knows how she likes to take life with her big spoon. It might not be much, but to Justina, it’s everything – her freedom, her confidence, and most importantly, her performance at school.

Now she has to stay away from school once a month, because sanitary pads do not qualify in the priority list. “Those are luxuries bought by the rich”, her mother once said. “You are a smart girl, improvise.” She advised her.

She did improvise. She tried old rags last month. And she will live to regret this for the rest of her teenage life. Everyone in her class could tell where the foul smell was coming from. She could not stand her own stench. She kept on going to the latrine to check if she had messed her uniform, her sweater constantly tied on her waist.

Why does growing up have to be such a burden? Just the other day, she was climbing guava trees with Okello and Omollo, the cheeky twin brothers in her class. She was better than all the boys in her class at climbing trees.

Today is one of those days, just five months since she started her period. She is only 13 years old- so these are going to be many dirty months. Justina has decided not to go to school for the three days each month because her dignity is at stake. She cannot risk making a fool of herself and being the laughing stock of the whole school.

The other day she overheard some girls in her class saying they exchange sex in for sanitary towels money- that’s a lot of work for something that ends up in the rubbish. She does not even like boys that way yet. Men with money are older, almost the age of her father. The thought just freaks her out. Even if she had extra pocket money, wouldn’t the best choice be to buy that new dress that her mother has been promising her every year?

Let her cry today, tomorrow the sun might shine and change her fate. Tomorrow she will return to school and compete with every classmate who has been constantly in class. Tomorrow, she shall make good of her chance at education. But today, let her cry herself to sleep.

Puberty should never leave girls like Justina without hope of an education. Always has for over 10 years been known to run initiatives to keep girls like Justina in school. Through Always Keeping Girls in School Program, they distribute free sanitary towels to girls from underprivileged areas. They also educate these young girls about health issues, building their self-confidence and teaching them how to budget and save.

In collaboration with the Government and other partners, Procter & Gamble, the manufacturers of Always sanitary towels, P&G has been able to distribute over 8 million sanitary pads to more than 100,000 girls across Kenya.

From now through to December 2017, P&G is running an in-store campaign that aims to provide over 10,000 girls with a full year’s supply of sanitary towels. To take part in this noble initiative, you can visit all the major supermarkets and mini markets in the country. Let us keep girls like Justina in school.

Date Posted: November 4, 2017
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Two Women Blazers Appear in the Top 40 under 40 Women


In 2016, Safaricom embarked on a journey to come up with its most ambitious project yet. BLAZE- a new network created for young people by young people. Safaricom saw that with its increasing customer base, customers within the age between 18-26 years had different needs.

Since its inception, BLAZE has created a platform that gives youth the freedom to decide how you want to use their air time, an empowerment initiative dubbed Be Your Own Boss, aka B.Y.O.B, and the BLAZE BYOB TV Show.  BLAZE saw the fact that Kenyan youth are a talented lot, but passion alone doesn’t enable them to achieve their dreams. Thus, they came up with training, mentorship, and networking programs to help them to not only reach their goals, but also equipp them with the skills to enable them to be successful in their endeavours. At the BLAZE summits, participants were encouraged to audition for the BLAZE B.Y.O.B TV show. They are currently hosting BLAZE summits around the country.

Through the BLAZE B.Y.O.B TV show that aired on KTN, the contestants’ ideas were amplified to a wider Kenyan audience, empowering not only those who participated in the contest, but also non-participants who had the foresight of better possibilities.

The TV show brought together 12 contestants from all walks of life but the one to beat was Valentine Nekesa, a 19-year-old part-time designer and model, who against all odds clinched the 5-million-shilling prize. The judges found her to be the most promising young and upcoming entrepreneur through her prowess in tackling intensive real-life challenges and her outstanding business plan.

Valentine Nekesa

A third-year student at Mount Kenya University, Valentine started her endeavour out of need and grew from designing costumes during fashion shows using book covers, bedsheets, towels and cartons to running a successful fashion line, V-designs for plus size women. She stated that because of BLAZE, she has learnt how to harness her leadership skill and channel it into her business. With the money, she hopes to expand her business and create employment, therefore attracting investors to the Kenyan fashion sector.

Angela Githuthu – Ngaamba

Angela Githuthu-Ngaamba is Safaricom’s Youth Segment Lead and is in charge of developing and creating products targeting the youth among them the BLAZE Youth network. The network has given youth around the country access to different empowerment programs.  Having studied IT, Angela has worked with numerous brands, both locally and internationally through marketing and influencing policy in the technology sector. She has however chosen to work with Safaricom, where she will have a more direct impact on the youth by helping them change their lives through technology and enabling them to better their tomorrow.

The two women were recently named among the 2017 Top 40 under 40 Women by the Business Daily which seeks to recognize the most prominent and the most influential women under 40 in Kenya each year.

Thanks to BLAZE by Safaricom, young people across Kenya learn that the future belongs to those who see possibilities in doing what they are passionate about and that they can do whatever they put their minds to as long as they are focused, dedicated and disciplined.

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Date Posted: August 29, 2017
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5 Benefits of Massage Therapy in Pregnancy

Prenatal massages have become a debatable topic these days. While some advocate their importance, others consider them as harm in the growth of a baby. But, let’s make it clear that if done properly, there are a lot of benefits of massage therapy in pregnancy.

If done gently, massage in pregnancy can reap great benefits on the baby. Here are some reasons on why a momma to be should definitely go for massage therapies.

Increased Circulation:

Similar to the regular massages, prenatal massages also improve circulation rate and increase the blood flow to nominal levels. The escalated circulation levels do not only decrease swelling, but also reduces the tingling and numbness in the body that accompany pregnancy.

Getting gentle massages regularly during the last months of pregnancy are highly recommended. Most of the women feel swelling in their feet and legs, and this is where massages kick in to relax them.

Better Respiration:

When women are pregnant, there are a number of factors that can lead to the deterioration of breathing quality. The growth of the baby displaces the organs in the belly, restricting the movements of lungs and diaphragm. This sudden congestion can lead to the decrease in breathing. Getting a regular massage will help improve breathing, relieving the tension caused due to postural changes and organs displacement.

Eases Musculoskeletal Discomfort:

With the growth of the baby, there are a number of postural changes that take place in the body. These pile up into a number of problems that only increase as the pregnancy progresses. To address the intense muscular pain, spasms and discomfort, massage therapy becomes a need of the time.

Due to the soothing pressure in muscles, the build-up tension is released. Expert massage therapists should be contacted during such time for superficial massage work to relieve stress in those muscles. Pregnant women can also buy a massage chair to get some comfort at home.

Massage chair: credits

Improved Digestion:

Another downside of the pregnancy is that it slows down the digestive system. On the other hand, if the digestion is slow-paced, it can lead to a number of problems including bloating, heartburn, and gall bladder disease etc.

All the symptoms and digestion problems can easily be solved if pregnant women start taking proper massage therapy. Getting a proper massage does not only help in fast digestion, but it also puts an end to all the problems that accompany indigestion. It would be best for all the pre-mommies to get regular massages, because indigestion in pregnancy is definitely a big discomfort.

Reduces Stress:

Among all the other discomforts that a massage therapy has on the body, prenatal stress is greatest of them all. Pregnancy is very stressful; managing regular routine, erratic hormones, fear of becoming a parent and the changes taking place in the body can have a toll on pregnant women.

Instead of wreaking havoc on your body and baby, getting a prenatal massage is the best way to relax an over-processing mind. A good massage takes away a lot of stress, and this is what exactly pregnant women want at this stage.

Author Bio:

Sara is a psychologist by profession and she loves massage therapies. She enjoys home-based work and traveling. She is obsessed with massage chair therapies and other relaxing techniques. She regularly posts at https://mymassagechairs.com/.

Date Posted: June 11, 2017
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Making divorce less traumatic for your kids.

By Evans M Sifa.

One widely held view in this century and an often cited statistic is that one half of all marriages end in divorce.

It can be a hard time for any couple and an extra streneous emotional crisis especially if you have kids.  Most parents never know how to approach issues arising from divorce in regards to kids. And sadly this leaves their kids to be just another statistic in a pool of divorce related stories and experiences.

Living in a society where ‘honest talk’  about emotional and tabboo topics like divorce are shunned away from the dinner table, it is bound to greatly affect your kids in various ways, like wrong coping mechanisms from the divorce and deep haboured feelings that surface at a later date in their lives to state a few. It is as traumatizing for kids as well as it is for spouses going through such a process.

Parents can make a divorce less traumatic for their kids by following these four tried and successful tips from couples with divorce experience who have overcome it in light of parenting :

Tip #1:  Assure your kids that the divorce is not their fault

Children, especially young ones, have a tendency to blame themselves for the divorce. What a horrible burden to bear!  From you and your former spouse, they need to hear the following message over and over:

Some kids blame themselves for their parents getting a divorce.

                     It is not your fault. We love you.

 

Tip #2:  Avoid badmouthing your former spouse even in subtle ways.

As we all know, small ears hear more than big ones!

Kids need to know that it is okay to love both of you. Don’t place your child in a loyalty conflict by subtly suggesting that they should not love the other parent or have fun when they visit them. One father made this mistake in a very subtle yet damaging way. Each time he picked up the kids at his ex-wife’s, he would greet them with a worried look and ask nervously, “Are you guys okay? Did your visit go okay?”

It wasn’t long before the kids believed that they weren’t supposed to have an “okay” time at Mom’s house.

Oftentimes, these more subtle jabs are the most powerfully damaging.

Tip #3:  Don’t waste time and energy trying to “convert” your former spouse to your parenting style.

Some divorced parents waste precious time and energy fighting a never-ending control battle with their former spouse over how to parent the kids.

Children adjust to different parenting styles, as long as their parents aren’t manipulated into giving in or getting angry. When your kids say things like, “But Dad lets us,” experiment with saying the following while not backing down:

You’re pretty lucky to have two parents who are different. Thanks for letting me know.

Tip #4:   Don’t hesitate to seek qualified professional help.

Our children will never be healthier than we are. The trauma of divorce can result in major financial stress, lost friendships, depression, low self-esteem, anger, etc. A skilled therapist can help you and your kids move on to happier times, instead of getting bogged down in the pain.

One parent commented:

I never thought i’d end up divorced, and when my marriage ended i was devastated.

All i could think about were the news reports I’d seen about how messed up kids get       when their parents break up. Therapy taught me how to take care of myself so that i         could take care of my kids. It also taught me that the only thing i can really control is            myself and how i react… not how their dad does. That was ten years ago. I think my      kids are still a bit angry over what happened, but they’re doing well.

While divorce is certainly very difficult for kids, therapy offers easy-to-learn techniques that really work. Start building a happy future by getting started today.

Some of these tips have been borrowed from Charles Fay. Charles Fay, Ph.D. is a parent, author and consultant to schools, parent groups and mental health professionals around the world. His expertise in developing and teaching practical discipline strategies has been refined through work with severely disturbed youth in school, hospital and community settings. Charles has developed an acute understanding of the most challenging students.  Having   grown up through therapy, he also provides a unique and often humorous perspective.

Date Posted: May 13, 2017
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The best gift for Mothers’ Day

This mothers’ day, my special celebration goes to mothers of special needs children. They have faced all sorts of advice, opinions, judgment and even ridicule from well-meaning quarters.

Most likely, there’s no one in the world that knows special needs children as well as their mothers. No mother wants their child to have special needs. However, they are the unsung heroes who continually offer their unconditional love for these children.

When a special needs child does something out of the ordinary, it is not time for society to start judging them. Probably, this would be the time to offer your support to the family. We all have things we want to say at any time. Granted, we all have our opinions. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Sometimes, it is of great benefit to everyone if we would just hold on to our thoughts and not voice them.

Recently, our niece who was diagnosed with schizophrenia went missing. She couldn’t have chosen a worse time to pull her disappearing act. My sister had just had my nephew. The last three weeks have therefore been trying for my sister. She has had to contend with several comments to suggest that the girl may have eloped with a lover; some were asking her whether the girl really wanted to go to school and many other things that I don’t want to go into the details of.

I am not a mother currently, but I felt the emotional drain that the situation had on the new mom who happens to be my sister. Heck! I also lost sleep during this time, just thinking that I was in a cozy bed while we didn’t know where my niece was. The pressure on a mother, who’s first born goes missing, when she needs all the strength to recuperate from childbirth, gets worse. Thank goodness that the agonizing three weeks have passed. Today my niece is reunited with her family. There is no gift on mothers’ day that’s greater than the reunion with her daughter.

Luuvi Ajayi wrote the book I’m judging you-The do better manual, in which she speaks of the irksome things that people do. (It is a great read by the way). Airing opinions about situations we rarely understand could perfectly fit in the book. (You are welcome to judge me for suggesting an addition to your book.)

During these three weeks, we have also received support from all quarters. People who we would not have crossed paths with under any other circumstance. My special thanks go to Missing Child Kenya for putting up notices about missing children. I never thought of how so important your work was. Not until we actually needed your services. Thanks to everyone who re-tweeted, shared the post on social media and just asked the question, “What can I do to help?” Thank you for all those who prayed with us- your prayers availed much.

Today I celebrate that mother who has a child with Cerebral Palsy, that epileptic child, that autistic child who has been dismissed by society as hyper, that mother whose heart breaks every time her child comes home from school with a report of how a teacher carelessly told them that they were crazy. I would like to tell them that their child is unique in their own special way. After all, it is in our differences that we express beauty in the world.  Happy Mothers’ Day.

Date Posted: April 28, 2017
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Shine a Light: Effects of Abuse on a Child’s growth and life.

Image courtesy of Child Helpline Kenya. Featured image.

At seven years, Maya Angelou was raped by her mother’s lover. She mentioned his name, and later found that he had been kicked to death. Maya did not speak for five years, because her seven year old mind thought that by speaking, she caused a man’s death.

Many children suffer in silence at the hands of trusted people. They feel helpless, and not able to report any form of abuse because they lack safe spaces to do so. Oftentimes, a perpetrator of child abuse might threaten the child, or inflict fear, causing their victims to remain mum about an act of abuse. This in turn leaves the child in an emotional mess, as they try to forget the abuse.

Childline Kenya is an NGO that works to stop child abuse and provide a safe environment for all children. They do this via an emergency toll free national helpline which is monitored 24 hours a day, the National Child Helpline is 116 and the Whatsapp number is 0799873107. They also provide a chat feature on their website.

Child abuse is when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation and emotional abuse.

You may be abusing your child unknowingly

All children are unique with their own capabilities. It is therefore emotionally damaging for a child to hear their parent comparing them to their siblings. Whether it is in school performance or at home in general, it might end up in emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the most common form of child abuse especially in Africa.

Warning signs of an abused child.

Children pass subtle messages by different things, some of which you might miss if you don’t pay attention.

Withdrawn- Most often, children who have gone through abuse retreat and suddenly they are not as social as they were before. Some children would be shy to maintain eye contact. They may be thinking that everyone who looks at them knows the shameful story of their abuse.

Stunted development- Children have developmental milestones which they ought to hit at certain points in time. However, some react to abuse by slow mental or physical development. A simple way to tell this is when your child maintains friendships with children much younger than her.

Reduced school grades-A child who before may have been performing well, may suddenly lose interest in school work, thereby significantly reducing their school performance.

Fear- This is two pronged. First, a child may fear the parent so much that they them as much as possible. This indicates that maybe the parent has overdone the disciplinarian role and it has spilled over to abuse.  This leads to no bonding time between the child and the parent. This brings the second perspective:  a child who is not free to talk to his/her parents, may suffer in silence when they face abuse because they keep to themselves.

Statistics by the Child Helpline shows that 90% of child abusers are people trusted by children including teachers, family members, religious leaders, neighbors and domestic workers. Sadly, majority of Kenyans do not know the extent of child abuse in the country nor what to do in case it happens.

Maya Angelou read books in the five years of silence. She became a phenomenon poet and a writer. Most children in Africa do not have an outlet for their suffering. We can give them a voice.

Childline Kenya, which has been operational for 10 years, recently launched the “Shine a light campaign”, that calls on the public to shine a light on cases of child abuse. You can take part in this campaign by donating any amount on their website. Your support goes a long way in sustaining the child helpline, facilitating the referral network and funding data collection on child protection in Kenya.  Together we can end the cycle of abuse, and create safer spaces for our children.